I’m having a tough time coping lately.
I keep wanting to just talk to someone. And I’m not talking about a professional, I’m talking about a loved one, friend, family…literally anyone I trust.
That’s the problem. I’m that type of person. The empath. I am always there when you need me. It can be 3 AM, if you need me I will so far as to drive to you and bring you some pizza or ice cream. But somehow nobody’s ever interested in turning the situation around. I’m not being there for you so you can return the favor. I’m being there because I truly and completely care.
Nobody wants to actually take a few minutes to listen. If I’m having a crappy day then I won’t necessarily tell you, but if it’s beyond crappy, that I feel like I’ve hit an all time low, then I will tell you. But I’m a giver. And most I know are takers. I give so much every day. Every time that you feel a pinch of sadness I will be there. But if everyone just keeps taking, and I just keep giving then some day there will be nothing to take, or to give. I will just become another face in a yearbook. Or some girl that you went to High School with. Some colleague that you’re pretty sure was nice to you. Or you hated her. But either way you can’t remember.
I don’t want my name in shining lights. I don’t need to be praised. I don’t need anything like that. All I’m asking for is a little respect, appreciation and a shoulder to cry on sometimes.
I guess my expectations of people I know are too high.
I haven’t felt this alone in a long time.
But tomorrow, I will put on a happy face. I will act like everything is okay. And I will keep taking people’s shit, or blame, or whatever else you want to accuse me of. Because frankly, I’m too tired to do anything else.